Hello, 2017.

Thank yo to Kenzie of Hello Neverland for these writing prompts for January! I have an endless to-do list this year and one of them is to be a better blogger. So yeah, cheers to 2017!

Letting Go

“The angels gathered near your bed
So very close to you
For they knew the pain & suffering
That you were going through

I thought about so many things
As I held tightly to your hand
Oh, how I wished that you were strong
And happy once again

But your eyes were looking homeward
To that place beyond the sky
Where Jesus held His outstretched arms
It was time to say good-bye

I struggled with my selfish thoughts
For I wanted you to stay
So we could walk & talk again
Like we did ~ just yesterday

But Jesus knew the answer
And I knew He loved you so
So I gave to you life’s greatest gift
The gift of letting go

Now my heart will carry memories
Of the love you gave to me
Until we meet again in Heaven
Where the best is yet to be”

C. Johnson & J. Morse

I found this beautiful poem on Pinterest and my thoughts inevitably flashed back to to November 21, exactly two weeks ago. It was the day Mama died. This poem perfectly reflects my thoughts and my emotions that very day. This is the very first time I am going to write about it and it’s so difficult to put everything into words. I miss her everyday. My heart hurts and I don’t know if this pain will ever go away.

It was a Monday. Papa usually gets up early to cook breakfast, prepare Mama’s meds, and to ask if she wants to go to the bathroom. Since the day that she got home from the hospital, she needs to support in walking around the house. When Papa looked at her, there was a different look on her eyes. A faraway gaze. She just stared like she was looking at something intently. Papa just kept talking to her but she was unresponsive. Then he knew, things aren’t good. We (husband and kids) immediately went there when my sister, Joan, called me on the phone. On my way to my parent’s house, a million thoughts ran through my head. “Ma, ayaw sa gyud Ma. Please”, that was my prayer. I never prayed so hard in my life. A few days ago, I was contemplating of what to give Mama for Christmas. I wanted to get her a rocking chair. I was planning of how we’d spend our Christmas. I was also waiting for her to regain her strength so we could talk like before because since ni balik sya from the hospital, talking takes so much of her effort and energy. Gusto sa gyud nako sya ma storya ug balik. When I saw her, I cannot believe what I was seeing. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through in my life.

As the day progressed, her feet and hands turned cold but when we checked her temperature it was 39.6°C. I know that Mama doesn’t want to go back to the hospital, oh how mush she hated it there. But we wanted to make sure we are doing the right thing of not sending her back so Papa and I called her doctor and told him mom’s current state. With his response, we were certain to let her stay at home. We talked to her throughout the day and we know that she can hear us. We continued to gave her her medicines, especially the one for the pain. Thinking about it now, I didn’t know how we’re able to gather our sh*t together. 6 PM, Joan and I held to each Mama’s hands tightly. She was slipping away in front of our very eyes. I found myself saying, “Go peacefully ma. It’s now okay to let go.” I watched my mother die in front of me knowing that it was final and there’s nothing I could do to stop it. (more…)

Currently {November}

I’ve been meaning to post some updates but then I’ve been so caught up with everything that’s happening in my life right now. Today, I feel a lot more settled and  I am emotionally stable so I guess I can finally push through with my November update. Also, I am trying to learn to live by the quote “Let God and let go”. 


Reading: About 3 weeks ago, I started reading Ransom Rigg’s series Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children. I was immediately smitten. This falls under fantasy/adventure category combined with a very unique style of photography (loved the idea of a story based upon found photography, isn’t that brilliant?!). These tell us the amazing adventures of the peculiar children. There are dark and disturbing sections so these are definitely not for kids. . I’m currently with the 3rd book, Library of the Souls.


Listening to: The Piano Guys. With my recent emotional state, I found their songs very comforting.


The First SONA of President Rodrigo Duterte


photo credit: http://www.sona.inquirer.net

Peterson and I have been waiting for the very first SONA of President Rodrigo Duterte. Finally, 25th of July 2016 has come! The much-anticipated event lived up to everyone’s expectations. The speech was supposed to be short & sweet but it lasted for an hour and 35 minutes. Nevertheless, there was never a dull moment! Straight and sincere. I can’t help but noticed that Mr. President looks good with his eyeglasses on! LOL  As Presidential Communications Secretary Martin Andanar has said. “It’s nothing like any of the Sona speeches that we’ve heard before. This one will ask the nation, every citizen to march on and build the country. That’s how it’s like”.