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I was browsing through Pinterest today and stumbled upon this beautiful poem. I was suddenly flashed back to November 21, that’s exactly two weeks ago. It was the day my mom died. This is the very first time I am writing about it and I’m having a difficult time putting my thoughts into words, so please bear with me.

It was a Monday. As usual, Papa woke up early to prepare Mama’s food, medicines and to ask if she wants to go to the bathroom. Ever since she got home from the hospital, Mama cannot walk around without assistance. When Papa looked at her, Mama’s eyes were half open and seemed to look passed him. He kept on talking to her but she was unresponsive and the only sound she was making were grunting sounds as she breathe. As the day progressed, her feet and hands turned cold but when we checked her temperature it was 39.6°C. We wanted to make sure we are doing the right thing of not sending mom back to the hospital so I called her doctor and told him mom’s current state. With his response, we decided not to take her to the hospital anymore. We talked to her throughout the day knowing that she can hear us. At around 6 PM, me and my sister held to each Mama’s hands tightly. We could see she was dying. I found myself saying: ‘Go peacefully ma. It’s now okay to let go.’ I watched my mother die in front of me knowing that it was final and that I couldn’t stop it.

As she slipped into death something amazing happened. She suddenly moved her head to the left to looked at my sister then back at me. Surprisingly, I then felt her hand grasp mine tightly; that was the very last of her strength.  My heart was shattering as I felt her , I know she was finally saying goodbye. A few seconds away before the angels took her, the Priest arrived and we prayed for her soul’s eternal peace. I am crying right now as I am trying to remember that very night. Me and my sister holding each of Mama’s hands. It was the also the second time I’ve seen Papa cried. (the first time was at my grandmother’s burial). We prayed for her and wept for her that night. We were deeply hurt but there was acceptance. I know that she waited for the right time to let go. Mama died at home surrounded by loving family. She was 55 years old, diagnosed with Colorectal cancer.

This poem perfectly describe my thoughts and my emotions that very moment. I miss her everyday. My heart hurts. Oh my heart, I don’t know if this pain will ever go away.

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